The "Strong, Silent" Man (The "Shy" man - Part 1)

There are many reasons a man would subscribe to excuse themselves from communicating often with women, also with their peers in the context of general socialization. In my previous three part article, the "Prudent" man does so for very........... prudent reasons. He just knows his place and speaks when it is needed to.

For this article, we would look at the man who is supposedly "Shy".

The concept of the shy man, can be dissected into these personal traits, it may or may not apply to all "Shy" men, but in most cases it does (Note that this is not an exhaustive list):

• Introverted (Usually a trait that some individuals possess, and show the skill of high concentration.)

• Inarticulate (The lack of the skill when it comes to expressing his emotions into words makes him more lonely than ever.)

• Close minded (Unaccepting towards other foreign social influences. Men who possess this trait have very small comfort zones. May be uninviting to people.)

• Not confident (Unable to believe that he possesses the charisma to win over people. Or overcome difficulty or challenges.)
  

• Troubled (Men shut themselves out when dealing with personal problems, for the case of the "Shy" man, it usually is emotional problems or personal difficulties in life that have made a significant negative impact.)

• Untrusting towards people (Usually strangers get the cold shoulder, may be caused by past emotional hurts or social complications that he may have experienced.)

• Driven (An uncommon trait. Men who possess this trait may forgo most or almost every aspect of his social life to achieve a personal goal or achievement, or live out an ideal. Some of them are idealistic. May not be entirely "Shy".)

• Self assured (Having being content with all he has in his life, he finds little reason to convey and communicate with others. Men who possess this trait might possess at least an above average amount of pride. May have a superiority complex.)

• Controlled (Often a product of being nutured at a young age to restrain one's self. It can be also freely chosen by the individual to control his otherwise naturally abrasive personality. And avoid undesirable social circumstances. May be conservative in personality, ethics or morals.)

• Little or no empathy (The lack of empathy in a "Shy" man means that he would find it hard to relate to others, let alone communicate in a amiable manner. Or maybe even communicate at all.)

• Jaded or Knowledgable (Having seen and experienced everthing in his own perspective, the "Shy" man often retreats away into self contemplation. Often does not care about how people would think of him.)

• Disillusional (The "Shy" man might reject reality and live accordingly the way he wants, on his own terms. Some men who possess this trait are idealists.)

Stay tuned for part 2. I will try to piece together the traits......... and see the "Shy" man for who he is.

The "Strong, Silent" Man (The "Prudent" man - Part 3)

For the most part, I would personally say that the "Strong, Silent" type of man is a man of reaction.

Prefering to react than to initiate. Always instinctively cautious. Always observing and studying instead or approaching and engaging first. Knowing when to hammer the iron when it is hot, and when the need for action and words is required at it's most urgent time. The hallmarks of the "Prudent" man.

Men like them, are usually aware of their own shortcomings, flaws and limitations. They may also be more emotionally honest with their own feelings, though they may not choose to talk or confide openly about it. If they do ever experience an event that leaves behind an exceptional, strong, almost uncontrollable degree of emotions inside them, chances are is that they would spend their resources of inner willpower, reasoning capabilities to temper down their feelings to control them.

One important fact to note, is that men who are supposedly "Prudent" may not be who they currently are by choice. Various circumstances in their personal lives may have forced or unnoticeably nutured them to adapt a persona of the "Prudent" man. They might have experienced: fierce opposition from their peers, emotional ostracization from their loved ones, disapproval from their colleagues, the trauma of having to adapt to difficult circumstances, the list goes on. A very personal quote that I remember all too fondly, partially summarizes the point in this paragraph: Creative genius is often a result of complete misery.

Based on the previous paragraph, our "Prudent" personality could be described as a filter, a firewall, or a fortress if you could visualize it. It is the very tool that helps us weather through the bullshit, trials, limitations and trashy individuals that life has to offer us. It can't be helped if you feel that we are too defensive or passive for our own good, but we naturally have to protect our own lives and sanity. 

We wouldn't do the world much justice if we let our guard down and not be firm in our resolve to provide for ourselves first, there will be a time and place in many different moments in our lives that we take a break and let others see who we really are, and hopefully they will come to understand why we always put up a mask for everyone to see. And when we do let our guard down, and if you do see something in ourselves that you don't like, be gentle. Or keep quiet about our flaws. Or leave. We may have too much on our hands to deal with ourselves.

The world is never simple. It is increasingly volatile with each single passing moment. When it comes to social contact, the "Prudent" man knows, that the people around him, do have their own agendas, their own yardstick to judge others by, their own dreams and aspirations, and their desires. Nothing is for sure in a ever changing world, and that is why the "Prudent" man stays silent.

He merely wants to make sense of it all, and prepare to react, and act in a truly prudent way.

The "Strong, Silent" Man (The "Prudent" man - Part 2)

The "Strong, Silent" man, would almost inevitably be plagued for the most part of his life with a creeping sense of personal loneliness. No matter what reasons he has, to stay or become who he is at the moment.

However, for the specific case of the "Prudent" man, for the most part, he would almost certainly be the most calculative and observant one.

He may be self-absorbed at times, a proactive contemplative on some occassions, heavily questioning on himself and various aspects of his life when he is alone, and perhaps a little shy on how he reacts. Some negative traits he may possess at first glance are cynicism, jadedness, an untrusting attitude, shy, insecure at times about himself, being unapproachable, pretentiousness, having a passive yet aggressive aura about him, complete disinterest in the people around him or his immediate surroundings and a lack of interest for activity.

Assuming that he seems to be a person who could be approached without harmful repercussions, approaching such a man and to socialize with him, usually requires a great deal of empathy, sometimes in some men - intelligence, honesty and most definitely, a pleasant disposition. Men who are described as such, give high regards to individuals who are able to engage their own thoughts and personal perspectives with constructivity, understanding and mutual respect in conversations. It never hurts to be humble and accepting in such social exchanges with men, and it is always the catalyst that speeds the process of building trust.

Because most men usually bottle up their feelings, they would address their emotions indirectly. And they would keep it a private affair to themselves. There are definitely some emotional issues that we don't want to tell a woman, and we certainly do not want to be labelled as an emotional basketcase by them. Of course, if we are surrounded by people (doesn't matter if they are male or female) whom we trust, and are as emotionally vulnerable just as us, we react with reassurance by knowing that their presence alone does make the decisive difference in our mood and temperament.

When it comes to personal problems and insecurities, our preference to tackle sensitive issues usually is to go at it alone. We may sometimes enlist the help of another male compatriot or friend for advice, but usually choose not to reveal so much of our personal crisis. In events such as this, this is when we are at our most reserved and territorial of our personal space.

The "Prudent" man may not always be an absolute enigma to women, but almost always his reasons for being the way he is are mostly rational, within the reaches of understanding, though it might be subject to unforgiving scrutiny if exposed.

Remember, just because we stay silent, doesn't mean that we do not notice. And chances are, if we do notice someone that catches our attention and become our personal muse (for many reasons), you may be surprised at how "deep the rabbit hole goes".

The "Strong, Silent" Man (The "Prudent" man - Part 1)

It's quite understandable that a whole lot of people would almost immediately pass superficial judgement on such men who are supposedly "Strong and Silent", usually either labelling him an idiot or a intellectual. Or just being arrogant. In any of these cases, most women just hate the fact that such men are assumingly not capable of the mutual reciprocation of words (conversation).

And some men, know secretly that it is slowly killing them (some women) softly. Most women live, breathe and depend on constant socializing.

There are multiple reasons why a man stays silent, and as a man myself, the virtue of prudence is one of my personal reasons. 

It does sound like a convinient excuse to escape from talking, isn't it ? Actually, it's true. Some men who are shy, not intelligent enough or socially inept find it convinient to adapt this virtue and at the same time empower him with a dignified sense of moderation with words. Or with a reassuring sense that he would be left alone without having to reveal his embarassing social shortcomings.

However, the men who sincerely adapt this social stance for it's own value and worth, usually believe in these guidelines which aids them in many ways. As described below:

• Spare no effort for meaningless talk. Say what you mean. Sometimes, a little bullshit between two understanding parties is needed for a little fun and to let off steam.
• Almost everything is based on perfect timing. Circumstances and the desire for communication with people often conflict with each other.
• Words do have incredibly volatile value. It is up to the individual to empower his words.
• When dealing with women, leave no room for deception. And be ready to become more attentive.
• Actions do speak louder than words. There is always a time to act or either speak.
• Because men like us hardly speak, we need to make every word count when we speak.
• Our true feelings may or may not be accepted by those around us (especially when it comes to women), therefore the constant need to restrain ourselves and come to terms with our feelings.
• I am an individual. I deal with others with the utmost respect for anyone I come in contact with, and I expect the same treatment to be reciprocated.

There might be more guidelines which the "Prudent" man would adapt, the list could be endless, and it varies from each masculine individual.

The next blog post will deal with the very heart of the "Prudent" man. Which in turn, motivates him to be who he is at the present moment.