The "Strong, Silent" Man (The "Cold and Isolated" Man - Part 1)

I would say, that one of the more challenging things that women have to deal with is a man who is generally detached. He may seem emotionally uninvolved, cool headed, aloof or even icy.

Some women I know absolutely hate the impression that the "Cold and Isolated" man emits from his presence. One of the reasons that they rationalize, is that they are somewhat jealous of their ability to mask his own emotions and to stay perfectly, inscrutably unpredictable. They also said that such first impressions are according to them is a hallmark of focus, emotional mastery, self-assurance and internal clarity.

But it is not always the case, as described above. There are many underlying reasons that explains otherwise.

Being a "Cold and Isolated" man, is sometimes a very hard choice to make. Often, men choose to become one for such reasons: to protect themselves based either on their past (sometimes negative) experiences they face with people (women especially), as their own way of dealing with people due to certain social limitations they have as a individual and as one of the many means to broadcast to everyone that there will be consequences when he is manipulated selfishly or severely offended. This also means that he might even choose to allow the emotional state of relationships with the people around him suffer as well.

When it comes to women, "Cold and Isolated" men may have a hidden, unspoken prejudice that potrays women in a negative light. It usually starts to grow from past hurtful experiences such men have with women, which are mostly partially justified or fully justified, which for the most part, the female party is guilty of hurting a man's feelings. Men who go through such experiences, find it quite hard to curb away such prejudices towards other women who are clearly innocent. And the magnitude of such prejudices get horribly worse if men continue to suffer such treatment from women.

If you had read several of my past articles, you would have read about the ways of how men emotionally recuperate and rejuvinate themselves. Usually, they would prefer to be alone and have time off from their daily schedule to "sort themselves out". And they do not appreciate any violation of their private space, especially if it is of a indirect or direct attack towards our ego, fragile emotional state or insecurities.

"Cold and Isolated" men may be hard to deal with in person, they often do not wish to become pushovers, and they very often "draw a line" and set their own standards of how others would deal with him. They also project an image of themselves that inspires either fear, respect, repulsive feelings or submission. The degree of such behavior would be multiplied to become somewhat intolerable when several masculine traits come into play: Being ambitious, Bottling up emotions, Lack of emotional expression or empathy, etc. A nightmarish situation with such a man would be possible if he possesses a keen machiavellist mind, unrestrained without a strong sense of ethics and morals.

Such men are also defensive at times. They are men of anticipation and perception, seeking and keeping watch over their potential detractors.

In the next part of the "Cold and Isolated" man article, I will touch on the remedies, tactics and ways to deal with such men.

The "Strong, Silent" Man (The "Shy" man - Part 2)

When it comes to women, most "shy" men are at a disadvantage in fully communicating honestly with them. Because chances are, most "shy" men know somehow at instinct that women can be very complicated, volatile and situationally difficult. 

Or at least, giving the benefit of the doubt, they give themselves those excuses to "shy" away from situations which will put them to the test.

This knowledge can be obtained either through assumption, personal experience, deductive reasoning, testimonials from other men and other sources.

A variety of reasons for their behavior are many, as described in my previous post. Most "shy" men are not emotionally prepared for dealing with their own reactions towards women. They might fear they might be derailed, their stability of their emotions messed up, and they would have to clean up their own wreckage.

It is always about reactions when it comes to the "shy" man. Nothing happens to him inside when nothing ever happens.

How could a man like him be dealt with ? Or even be approached without him flustering ?

If a man like him has to be dealt with, the process of getting him to be comfortable with anyone is to slowly blend into his comfort zone. But to find out what exactly itches him or forces him to be defensive can be a challenge.

You may be surprised yet, he may possess some imperfections, dirty little secrets, past deeds he hardly is ever proud of, personal flaws that he would prefer to be kept in a locked closet. And it is things like that, which really makes a man question his own worth in a woman's eyes.

Men can be "shy" for many dfferent reasons. It can be a combination of many factors, some of them listed in my previous post, personal circumstances and difficulties which would hinder their approach to others.

And that is where you come in, perhaps the whole key to unlocking our defenses is really your empathy and understanding. 

The "Strong, Silent" Man (The "Shy" man - Part 1)

There are many reasons a man would subscribe to excuse themselves from communicating often with women, also with their peers in the context of general socialization. In my previous three part article, the "Prudent" man does so for very........... prudent reasons. He just knows his place and speaks when it is needed to.

For this article, we would look at the man who is supposedly "Shy".

The concept of the shy man, can be dissected into these personal traits, it may or may not apply to all "Shy" men, but in most cases it does (Note that this is not an exhaustive list):

• Introverted (Usually a trait that some individuals possess, and show the skill of high concentration.)

• Inarticulate (The lack of the skill when it comes to expressing his emotions into words makes him more lonely than ever.)

• Close minded (Unaccepting towards other foreign social influences. Men who possess this trait have very small comfort zones. May be uninviting to people.)

• Not confident (Unable to believe that he possesses the charisma to win over people. Or overcome difficulty or challenges.)
  

• Troubled (Men shut themselves out when dealing with personal problems, for the case of the "Shy" man, it usually is emotional problems or personal difficulties in life that have made a significant negative impact.)

• Untrusting towards people (Usually strangers get the cold shoulder, may be caused by past emotional hurts or social complications that he may have experienced.)

• Driven (An uncommon trait. Men who possess this trait may forgo most or almost every aspect of his social life to achieve a personal goal or achievement, or live out an ideal. Some of them are idealistic. May not be entirely "Shy".)

• Self assured (Having being content with all he has in his life, he finds little reason to convey and communicate with others. Men who possess this trait might possess at least an above average amount of pride. May have a superiority complex.)

• Controlled (Often a product of being nutured at a young age to restrain one's self. It can be also freely chosen by the individual to control his otherwise naturally abrasive personality. And avoid undesirable social circumstances. May be conservative in personality, ethics or morals.)

• Little or no empathy (The lack of empathy in a "Shy" man means that he would find it hard to relate to others, let alone communicate in a amiable manner. Or maybe even communicate at all.)

• Jaded or Knowledgable (Having seen and experienced everthing in his own perspective, the "Shy" man often retreats away into self contemplation. Often does not care about how people would think of him.)

• Disillusional (The "Shy" man might reject reality and live accordingly the way he wants, on his own terms. Some men who possess this trait are idealists.)

Stay tuned for part 2. I will try to piece together the traits......... and see the "Shy" man for who he is.