Side purse

The Late Mother Teresa once said: “We can do no great things; only small things with great love.”.

Given this contemporary saintly woman's extensive life's work in feeding, caring, giving religious hope to the poor, destitute, deprived and hungry people of India, Ethiopia, Armenia and in many countries, it is truly an amazing personal feat to behold.

So what does she have to do with a blog like mine anyway ?

Simply put, i have used Mother Teresa's words, as simply a metaphor to describe how similar her personal philosophy is, contrasting against the small things that most women say, do, act, think, react, behave, out of love in a relationship.

And it's all about how, we men react to it. It's about the small things.

Men are often guilty of not noticing the small little things that their ladies do for them, in their everyday lives. And at times, women do these small things at their own personal expense (emotional, financial, psychological, time) which makes our ignorance to all they do, all the more painful to them.

Our justified reasons for this lack of awareness to these small loving gestures are many (Maybe we're tired and want to space out our mind, maybe we fail to notice these things, maybe this, maybe that.), but most of us know better that in your eyes, it will never be truly justified and accepted. The feelings of hurt linger and fester until we perhaps do something that will redeem ourselves in your eyes. And sometimes we do not know how to do it, to redeem ourselves.

Some of us can sense this inner turmoil that goes through inside of women, though we may not have the needed remedy to purge the manifested ugliness of it. We do fear at times that we were guilty of making you feel the way you've felt inside, and wished that you wouldn't feel that way always even if it isn't our fault, especially to the women we deeply care about. We wouldn't feel good about you feeling lousy (even if it isn't our fault) and we wouldn't feel assured if you're keeping it all inside yourself also.

The best thing that you could do really, is to talk it out with your significant other in mutual dialogue. Talk about how you really feel inside and address what has been done that left you bitter and lonely. Preferably, talk to him privately and engage him in a respectful, considerate manner without denting his ego or feelings.

It may be seem awkward and too forthcoming for some (couples), but if worse comes to worst, having to drag out the issue at hand into the light is the only way to remedy the situation. However, do so at a time when the both of you are ready for honest dialogue. Be wary also, that most men do not like this form of confrontation, once again, the masculine ego comes to play, playing a large role in this mess. Watch out for the words you'll use, they might work against you instead.

Alternatively, if you are not ready to talk to him, friends, family, trusted company and counselling telephone hotlines can provide the service of letting you, pour out your negative feelings, elevating the pain for a while.

But what if you are truly alone, with no one to talk to about your turmoil ? One method you could resort to is to write down your thoughts on a diary. It's a very private way to express out one's feelings. It provides space for you to think through things and do much needed reflection. If you feel like it, you may even blog about it, just make sure the blog can only be seen by you alone. One could also resort to exercise to release the tension built within the body due to this inner stress. Reading books is a good way to take your mind away too, try buying a thick huge book of any random subject and just blindly read. Sadly, some women have to resort to such measures as a permanent one, as the chances of such communication happening between them and their spouses/boyfriend/crush is very low. And there is no closure or resolution towards such issues.

If you've any questions, feel free to post them into my comment box for this entry.

Bad Girls (Part 1)

We've heard of the Legendary Bad Boy stereotype, that one single guy striding through the masculine crowd, being tough as he should be, going his own way always without a care about anyone else............... because he knows what he wants...... and he'll get it somehow.

But have you ever met his female counterpart ?

Yes, that kind of girl whom you (girls) love to hate, that you guard your boyfriends from, that men absolutely do not want mum and dad to know they're going out with, that has inspired many songwriters to get pop artistes to sing hit songs like: "Maneater", "Buttons.". The Bad Girl.

There are some, very appealing attributes about bad girls that we men secretly like and compell us to do certain "imposssible" things. And they aren't necessarily always about sex and anything sexual.

Somehow, there are some men (myself included) who have a soft spot for bad girls.
Who can't stop themselves embracing their indirect paternal instincts and switch on our sensitive sides, to cater to the emotional needs of these women.
Most of these women have issues, but then again, who doesn't ?

I have always felt, that for these women, their bad girl image, their bad girl identity is like a highly decorated military medal to them.

They seem to embrace it, show it with pride, and accomplishment. They show it because it shows that: "Hey, i want to be just like the nice, sweet, innocent girl that you always like to chat up and do stuff with, but i can't do that ! I wish i was like that but some parts in my life just doesn't work out the way i'd like it to be. And i just can't help stop myself from being like this. So what i'm going to do is that i'm going to let this image of mine empower me and give me strength. So that i can never be anyone's bitch and can be more of what i am than i was before."

Some of these women may have gone through some inevitable and very bad experiences at one point in time more often than most women,
Or maybe some of them chose freely to adapt this image, beccause they feel defensive about themselves or perhaps because of many different mysterious reasons.
Who knows ? Maybe it could be that her problems might be personally too negative and personal to share.........difficult to understand, accept or sympathize....... by anyone.

Stay tuned as we go deeper into this subject in the future.

sneak attack !

We shall address the presence of one of the many demons within us men that have long afflicted us in our romantic relationships (be it a crush, normal romantic relationship, marriage, etc). Insecurity.

It pushes its offensive strategy and tactics against us in many forms (especially in many unfavorable, unideal situations/times with our spouse/girlfriend/crush, etc), often scouting for an unprotected flank to breach through our most personal vulnerable point.

More often than not, the situation would start out like this......... there's bound to be imperfect moments where the man in the relationship would feel that he is not fully treasured/liked/loved/adored for who he is or is taken for granted, and he would question his own worth in himself and his lady's eyes. We see it as a big dent to our ego and its a problem for us.

Men in response to this would usually spend time alone, withdrawing away emotionally and mentally, prefering to solve our problems by focusing on it and dwelling on the problem at hand. At such times, he is incapable of giving a woman the attention and feelings that she normally receives and certainly deserves. It is difficult for women to deal with such situations, as they depend on constant communication for support and being emotionally involved in the relationship.

And when it happens, there are opportunities where the demon could sow his seeds, both inside the male and female in the relationship. By growing feelings of lack of mutual trust...... understanding, feelings of neglect, sometimes paranoia and fear. Don't forget we have our masculine ego at times that just makes things worse.

At our low/lowest point, there is a need for us to exorcise this demon, to exorcise this specific demon with assurance, closure and acceptance. Before it starts to weaken the relationship.

Although at times we (men) remain bitter about the way we were ignored, treated, shelved aside for the time being.... but at the same time, we know deep down inside of us, you hold the key to setting us free from our instinctive reaction to withdraw away.

Though we do retreat away, to work things out inside ourselves in our life together, from time to time, we'd love to recieve your much needed reassurance, knowing that we're still being loved/adored for who we are.
The warm gesture of appreciation for us, might/would make us remove away our tendency to being emotionally numb/unfeeling and to be more understanding, sensitive to your emotional needs.
The right words that cuts away the affliction of insecurity that plague our heart, might/would touch our hearts to turn away from our wretched state and go back to the way things should rightfully be. Maybe in doing so, we'll slowly begin to appreciate the small little things that you say and do for us, and perhaps love you even more for it.

It's tricky having to approach us at the right time, while being emotionally withdrawn. However, I always believed in perfect timing, striking when the iron is hot. It is more of an intuition of knowing what must be done at any specific moment in life. I believe women are very much more capable in this aspect, much more than men. We could learn a thing or two from the way women sense things around them, to apply it to everything we do, and do it better.

And thereafter, we could start working things out, making sure that it won't happen again.