Side purse

The Late Mother Teresa once said: “We can do no great things; only small things with great love.”.

Given this contemporary saintly woman's extensive life's work in feeding, caring, giving religious hope to the poor, destitute, deprived and hungry people of India, Ethiopia, Armenia and in many countries, it is truly an amazing personal feat to behold.

So what does she have to do with a blog like mine anyway ?

Simply put, i have used Mother Teresa's words, as simply a metaphor to describe how similar her personal philosophy is, contrasting against the small things that most women say, do, act, think, react, behave, out of love in a relationship.

And it's all about how, we men react to it. It's about the small things.

Men are often guilty of not noticing the small little things that their ladies do for them, in their everyday lives. And at times, women do these small things at their own personal expense (emotional, financial, psychological, time) which makes our ignorance to all they do, all the more painful to them.

Our justified reasons for this lack of awareness to these small loving gestures are many (Maybe we're tired and want to space out our mind, maybe we fail to notice these things, maybe this, maybe that.), but most of us know better that in your eyes, it will never be truly justified and accepted. The feelings of hurt linger and fester until we perhaps do something that will redeem ourselves in your eyes. And sometimes we do not know how to do it, to redeem ourselves.

Some of us can sense this inner turmoil that goes through inside of women, though we may not have the needed remedy to purge the manifested ugliness of it. We do fear at times that we were guilty of making you feel the way you've felt inside, and wished that you wouldn't feel that way always even if it isn't our fault, especially to the women we deeply care about. We wouldn't feel good about you feeling lousy (even if it isn't our fault) and we wouldn't feel assured if you're keeping it all inside yourself also.

The best thing that you could do really, is to talk it out with your significant other in mutual dialogue. Talk about how you really feel inside and address what has been done that left you bitter and lonely. Preferably, talk to him privately and engage him in a respectful, considerate manner without denting his ego or feelings.

It may be seem awkward and too forthcoming for some (couples), but if worse comes to worst, having to drag out the issue at hand into the light is the only way to remedy the situation. However, do so at a time when the both of you are ready for honest dialogue. Be wary also, that most men do not like this form of confrontation, once again, the masculine ego comes to play, playing a large role in this mess. Watch out for the words you'll use, they might work against you instead.

Alternatively, if you are not ready to talk to him, friends, family, trusted company and counselling telephone hotlines can provide the service of letting you, pour out your negative feelings, elevating the pain for a while.

But what if you are truly alone, with no one to talk to about your turmoil ? One method you could resort to is to write down your thoughts on a diary. It's a very private way to express out one's feelings. It provides space for you to think through things and do much needed reflection. If you feel like it, you may even blog about it, just make sure the blog can only be seen by you alone. One could also resort to exercise to release the tension built within the body due to this inner stress. Reading books is a good way to take your mind away too, try buying a thick huge book of any random subject and just blindly read. Sadly, some women have to resort to such measures as a permanent one, as the chances of such communication happening between them and their spouses/boyfriend/crush is very low. And there is no closure or resolution towards such issues.

If you've any questions, feel free to post them into my comment box for this entry.

Bad Girls (Part 1)

We've heard of the Legendary Bad Boy stereotype, that one single guy striding through the masculine crowd, being tough as he should be, going his own way always without a care about anyone else............... because he knows what he wants...... and he'll get it somehow.

But have you ever met his female counterpart ?

Yes, that kind of girl whom you (girls) love to hate, that you guard your boyfriends from, that men absolutely do not want mum and dad to know they're going out with, that has inspired many songwriters to get pop artistes to sing hit songs like: "Maneater", "Buttons.". The Bad Girl.

There are some, very appealing attributes about bad girls that we men secretly like and compell us to do certain "imposssible" things. And they aren't necessarily always about sex and anything sexual.

Somehow, there are some men (myself included) who have a soft spot for bad girls.
Who can't stop themselves embracing their indirect paternal instincts and switch on our sensitive sides, to cater to the emotional needs of these women.
Most of these women have issues, but then again, who doesn't ?

I have always felt, that for these women, their bad girl image, their bad girl identity is like a highly decorated military medal to them.

They seem to embrace it, show it with pride, and accomplishment. They show it because it shows that: "Hey, i want to be just like the nice, sweet, innocent girl that you always like to chat up and do stuff with, but i can't do that ! I wish i was like that but some parts in my life just doesn't work out the way i'd like it to be. And i just can't help stop myself from being like this. So what i'm going to do is that i'm going to let this image of mine empower me and give me strength. So that i can never be anyone's bitch and can be more of what i am than i was before."

Some of these women may have gone through some inevitable and very bad experiences at one point in time more often than most women,
Or maybe some of them chose freely to adapt this image, beccause they feel defensive about themselves or perhaps because of many different mysterious reasons.
Who knows ? Maybe it could be that her problems might be personally too negative and personal to share.........difficult to understand, accept or sympathize....... by anyone.

Stay tuned as we go deeper into this subject in the future.

sneak attack !

We shall address the presence of one of the many demons within us men that have long afflicted us in our romantic relationships (be it a crush, normal romantic relationship, marriage, etc). Insecurity.

It pushes its offensive strategy and tactics against us in many forms (especially in many unfavorable, unideal situations/times with our spouse/girlfriend/crush, etc), often scouting for an unprotected flank to breach through our most personal vulnerable point.

More often than not, the situation would start out like this......... there's bound to be imperfect moments where the man in the relationship would feel that he is not fully treasured/liked/loved/adored for who he is or is taken for granted, and he would question his own worth in himself and his lady's eyes. We see it as a big dent to our ego and its a problem for us.

Men in response to this would usually spend time alone, withdrawing away emotionally and mentally, prefering to solve our problems by focusing on it and dwelling on the problem at hand. At such times, he is incapable of giving a woman the attention and feelings that she normally receives and certainly deserves. It is difficult for women to deal with such situations, as they depend on constant communication for support and being emotionally involved in the relationship.

And when it happens, there are opportunities where the demon could sow his seeds, both inside the male and female in the relationship. By growing feelings of lack of mutual trust...... understanding, feelings of neglect, sometimes paranoia and fear. Don't forget we have our masculine ego at times that just makes things worse.

At our low/lowest point, there is a need for us to exorcise this demon, to exorcise this specific demon with assurance, closure and acceptance. Before it starts to weaken the relationship.

Although at times we (men) remain bitter about the way we were ignored, treated, shelved aside for the time being.... but at the same time, we know deep down inside of us, you hold the key to setting us free from our instinctive reaction to withdraw away.

Though we do retreat away, to work things out inside ourselves in our life together, from time to time, we'd love to recieve your much needed reassurance, knowing that we're still being loved/adored for who we are.
The warm gesture of appreciation for us, might/would make us remove away our tendency to being emotionally numb/unfeeling and to be more understanding, sensitive to your emotional needs.
The right words that cuts away the affliction of insecurity that plague our heart, might/would touch our hearts to turn away from our wretched state and go back to the way things should rightfully be. Maybe in doing so, we'll slowly begin to appreciate the small little things that you say and do for us, and perhaps love you even more for it.

It's tricky having to approach us at the right time, while being emotionally withdrawn. However, I always believed in perfect timing, striking when the iron is hot. It is more of an intuition of knowing what must be done at any specific moment in life. I believe women are very much more capable in this aspect, much more than men. We could learn a thing or two from the way women sense things around them, to apply it to everything we do, and do it better.

And thereafter, we could start working things out, making sure that it won't happen again.

what's to like ?

Okay, we already know by now, men are for the most part, visual creatures.

It is already inside of us, this instinctive drive to find the best possibe mate that we can see with our eyes, and if the lady we like is within our capability to seize for a potential mate, we go for it. It is our nature to do so, in fact for most living male species of all types of lifeforms in this earth, they adopt this behavior and this role for the natural order of the earth.

But we have an emotional aspect too. This goes for the same way (some) men attempt to seek out their potential mate. To establish an emotional connection through discernable forms of communication between a guy and a girl. And unlike women who have to manage their emotions all the time, most men find it hard to manage their feelings. And when we do this, it really gets risky for us, especially when having a crush on a lady we like.

Consider this Real Life Example. There was a man who is training to become a Roman Catholic Priest, and his priestly training involves counselling people who have problems in real life. He counselled a woman who was divorced and have two children. He so greatly sympathized with her and her situation, that he grew feeelings for her (maybe forgotten his role as a priest in training ?) and married her eventually.

We may not show our negative/positive emotions as often as you probably want to see, but that's probably because we bottle it all up, put on a front to maintain that facade of confidence (we don't wish you to worry about us, that you can be confident in us) or choose not to confide in anyone whom we feel is not trustworthy (most of us don't feel at ease when we confide our problems to a woman). Most of us know, that our emotions can get the better of us, so we chose not to even deal with it in the first place.

I know just about enough that (maybe not enough), most women love to hug and give care for a man they like when they are vulnerable, down and out, emotionally overwhelmed (I may be wrong though). But before we can allow that to happen, we need to be reassured that, we're not made any less of a man because we allow ourselves to be vulnerable just for that critical moment. Men.......... and their stupid egos.......Hahaha.

After all, i believe all women would love to confide their problems to a man whom they can trust and who represent a strong, steady pillar of support. Most of us would like to instinctively whoop out scented lavender candles, chamomile herbal tea and give a relaxing massage at the end of a hellish day for a lady who's trying her best to make her way into the world.

Deep down inside of us, we want to give tender loving care especially when you need it the most. It makes us feel complete as a man. We may not know to execute it properly, but that is a skill we need to learn and improve on. I can testify for myself what i have said, through my own experiences.

Please give us that chance. We'd both score points in doing so, okay ?

bridging

When a woman, presents herself in a specific time, place and situation, in the presence of a man or several men, there's bound to be masculine reaction.

We could get unemotionally cold, totally uninterested, hopelessly neutral, hopelessly head over heels......... the list goes on.

We can't help ourselves noticing when a lady steps into our sights, we're visual creatures after all.

But most of us knowing the way women are, we more or less know they are creatures of communication, almost all types of communication. Whether they have caught the gaze of a man looking at her for a while, or casually talking with a friend, or dealing with work professionally with her colleagues, they intercept and translate such indirect or direct "messages" and access the people, the environment around them. (much later as i blog, i would address the way we see or assume what or how women think and what we think about it.)

That's where the bridge to enter into your life comes in. Communication. Communicating with you. Giving an account of ourselves, for who we are (and in some cases, to woo you to be our girl.). For the most part, women are more receptive to words. It is direct, very hard to deny, and we don't deny that most romantic relationships start out on just talking.

What else can we do if we can't talk ? If we can't talk, we mostly be at our best and carry ourselves the best way we could. If we can't do that, we look for alternatives, any alternatives to make you notice us. If you don't notice us doing that................ well, we did try.....

For some or most situations, we could not find a common topic to just casually talk to you about, just to know you better. To just build on a simple casual healthy friendly relationship, where words can easily be exchanged with a measure of mutual happiness. It is a mental challenge for some (most) men who want to "build a bridge".

But ultimately, whether we like it or not, we have to sweat it out, die to ourselves, pour in our heart and soul, just to build that bridge. To seize the chance. We admit sometimes we give up hopelessly, never knowing what it'll be like to know you through and through, admiring for who you really are.

This is just one of the stumbling blocks that we face, that often work against us. However that is the least of our worries, as there are much more darker powers at hand.......undermining what we often choose to do, and make us fall from your good books.

bottled and sealed

Men don't usually get caught up in emotional affairs. But chances are, that usually most men are willing to get emotional at times involving the following:

• Watching/Playing Competitive Sports
• Sexual (Non-Sexual) Attraction towards a Girl/Lady/Woman.
  
• Nursing a Crush on a Girl/Lady/Woman !
  
• Romantic Relationships
  
• Passions In Life (Hobbies, Voluntary Labors of Love)
• Their Personal Pride and their Place, Role in the World/Society
  
• Being Violated Of Their Personal Privacy/Pride

And the list goes on.

Most (or a modest number of) men, when dealing with their crushes, bottle up their feelings.
Most of us feel that bottling our emotions felt for our crush is fine. So as long as the bottle doesn't explode.

Most of us know, well enough, that most women are more emotional than us, sensitive to what we say and do. That they would remember the words we say to them, from time to time, when they recollect or think of someone in particular.

We prefer that we do not speak what we truly feel inside of us......about you....... for the time being. Most (Some ?) of us know not the boundaries of what should be spoken and what shouldn't. So to play safe, we keep quiet (for the most part, or just stay casual or platonic). Some men would want to protect you from needless anxiety and wild running thoughts that would make a mess out of your head. (Or we just can't make their mind up to say what they really want to.)

Unfortunately, before we know it, the "bottle" begins to crack. Or the emotions inside of us, bends the "bottle" in painful shapes. Or the "bottle" manifests itself to become something hideous. All because we bottle it all up. How could no one ever run away from horrid sights such as this ?

We know that women have the advantage of being able to speak out their feelings more openly, to their friends, trusted company, they easily let it out, reducing this certain burden. At times, we envy them for this.

What are the things that plague/haunt us to bottle it all up ? Tune in to find out more......... about our inner turmoil, deep down inside of us in the next blog entry.