Bad Girls (Part 3)

Oh boy, sometimes (most of the times) we (men) really wish that things were really straight forward like from the good old days.

When the Gallant Knight saves the Damsel in Distress from an Evil Dragon......... When the Hero finally smiles, knowing his job is done and walks into the sunset in the final scene of a good movie. Just like Clint Eastwood (Whatever, I don't watch enough movies).

Unfortunately, things aren't simple as we wish it to be, and it sure as hell intimidates us....... it is already draining enough to be just only involved in tense, testing situations with women who have issues.

You see, the complications (that you suffer from, and we men get tired from) are as such: 

The emotional aspect of a woman (you !) is one we have to tackle. And then the emotional wounds (insecurities.....past hurts.....unfulfilled desires)  just adds up to the complications. The psychological damage done to the mental state of mind perhaps multiplies the already disturbing mess within the lady. And to top it off, the conscious choice to adapt the "Bad Girl" persona..... just means that...... it gets quite difficult for us......as the whole issue is scrambled into small little pieces..... and probably encrypted with a code that will take years to decipher. Oh my God. Three degrees of complications. It isn't a wonder why men often choose to engage with shallow (often sexual) relationships with these women, without the emotional engagement. 

(Yes, yes....... I know from my knowledge, THAT PART OF BEING A BAD GIRL. As much as we want UNRESTRICTED PASSIONATE MIND BLOWING CARNAL SEX, it's hard to find, so most of us go for the next best hassle free method to get it. Yeah, I know......... WE REALLY ARE BASTARDS sometimes.)

Sure..... sure...... sure................. whatever........ you'll say. Now, the thing is this. I don't know what is happening in your life right now and the kind of complications you are facing now. 

For all I know, you might have a possessive, abusive boyfriend whom you could never truly feel you could escape from.........................be pregnant with a child whose father has irresponsibly left you.............. be stuck in a Marriage where almost everything or everything is falling apart........... having a long string of failed relationships, being disappointed in the men you fell in love with......... being abused when you were a kid, or experienced something very traumatic at one point in time in your life............ the list goes on.

As much as there are people who care and want to help you back on your feet, they don't really know the whole mess as you do. You are sitting on the driver's seat, steering your life to wherever you may wish. Trying to find a way out of your mess.

The people who do truly care and are willing to sit on this journey of yours can give you directions............ sure.... they may not be right all the time, but even if they were right, chances are of you trying to work it out on the right advice................ is difficult. (I'm a little bit of a bad boy myself......so I guess I roughly know that feeling.....)

They may even go so far, to try to fix this problem of yours, by taking matters into their own hands and do something about it. But of course, I don't think you'll like that. You'll shred them into pieces for them trying to interfere with your life. I'm not surprised. You're a bad girl after all, right ? Heh. Sucks to be them.

I don't know how long it will take for you to resolve your issues, but I can only tell you (what I have done to get myself out of my own personal shithole)....... how to start and go at it till you've reached the end of it all. 

As much as you want a Knight in Shining Armor (or some other kind of hero/heroine, or angelic saint, or whatever) to rescue you and live happily ever after........ you would need to acknowledge the problems you have and deal with it the best way you can. Yeah, it's tough....... you may need help (if you really need it), but help and support does comes in very unexpected ways (especially not the way you wanted it....... well, nothing really is perfect.), sometimes even it goes unnoticed (even unappreciated especially) by you !

It can get lonely at times, when you try to work it out, so it doesn't hurt to be a little bit extra nice to look approachable or friendly to people (even strangers) whom you feel you have a decent chance to connect with. And....... you'll never really know, how much it would help you till you try..... it did worked out for me a whole lot. Remember, there is a different varying limit to how much good-willed people can help, so do not expect too much from them. It is important to find out exactly how much of themselves they can give to support you, because if you ask too much........ they might just walk away and never turn back. And you wouldn't want to be stuck in a bitter lonely spot all the time, it'll just make things worse.

Too bad for us (men), fixing up a woman with issues isn't as straightforward as fighting a Dragon with a Sword and Protective Armor. But we certainly and definitely can be there, and stick around to make it work out. It does get depressing (for us) when it seems nothing good is coming out of it. 

So, all the more reason for the both of us to really be honest with our issues and energetic in our zeal to restore (or if your issues really honestly gotten that bad to a certain point...... to salvage a fraction of......), the sweet happy fun loving girl that should have been. 

And if you ever do resolve your issues, we'll be proud of ourselves when you say: Chivalry isn't dead, but merely evolved to a more modern form.

Bad Girls (Part 2)

This article is a continuation of my previous entry: Bad Girls (Part 1). I've taken too much time in idleness to neglect the progress of this 3 part article, and regretfully, this is the only article i've gotten the most genuine feedback from.

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Men would usually classify "Bad Girls" as no-nonsense, tough-as-nails, difficult, emotionally disturbed, emotionally dead, impossibly troubled and defiantly dominant women........with a modest/extreme/rational degree of dislike for men, or an isolated mindset based on her jaded feelings, past emotional wounds or unpleasant experiences. Sometimes from men, sometimes due to unlucky circumstance.

Most men would steer clear away from such women, due to the excess baggage that these women have. It is understandable from my point of view, as a man, it is already quite difficult to deal with a woman's emotions, even occasionally for an experienced, empathetic man.

But it would suck all out the life, energy, passion, feelings and zest for romance when we have to deal with a woman's emotions wrecked and mangled into a mess. Instant death for the man who knows not better, who knows not what lies in store for him.

I know of a man who had, in his opinion, a very beautiful girlfriend. Unfortunately, she had been through a very tough, trying time in her life, and she failed to recover from her disordered state. I am only going to say this much about her traumatic episode................. she won't be able to trust or look at men positively after what she has been through.

Naturally, he did tried everything to make the best out of a bad situation, however.......................................... (in his opinion he told me:) she just doesn't cooperate with his efforts to help herself go back to the way she normally is.............. and she kept allowing her past events keep traumatizing her. (It can be hard for a woman to overcome painful events like that. It's understandable.)

Everything went downhill from that point onwards, and he naturally had to leave her. I don't even need to write the details here.

I believe they did the best they could and they possibly even asked help from all their friends and loved ones to remedy the situation. In his defence, he still cared for her while his options were open and when he saw he could do something while he still can.

Of course................................in that example above, the woman in question hardly qualifies as a "Bad Girl". Just a sweet adorable woman who is unfortunate and probably, because of all that has happened........... could possibly be a good opportunity for her to change into a "Bad Girl".

I guess that is (possibly one of the many ways) how Psychobitches from Hell are born. We definitely don't need any more women like that, but they just keep coming.

Partially because of men who do not measure up to be resilient against the temptations of dating, the occassional disaster, the problems of married life............. the list goes on and on. But lets be realistic.........the chances of you getting, a Superhero of a man is.............. as rare as striking the million dollar jackpot in Las Vegas.

If you're a "Bad Girl", and if you're reading this, my heart goes out to you. My last part to this 3 part article will (hopefully) address, how you can get out of your affliction. I hope......

bridging

When a woman, presents herself in a specific time, place and situation, in the presence of a man or several men, there's bound to be masculine reaction.

We could get unemotionally cold, totally uninterested, hopelessly neutral, hopelessly head over heels......... the list goes on.

We can't help ourselves noticing when a lady steps into our sights, we're visual creatures after all.

But most of us knowing the way women are, we more or less know they are creatures of communication, almost all types of communication. Whether they have caught the gaze of a man looking at her for a while, or casually talking with a friend, or dealing with work professionally with her colleagues, they intercept and translate such indirect or direct "messages" and access the people, the environment around them. (much later as i blog, i would address the way we see or assume what or how women think and what we think about it.)

That's where the bridge to enter into your life comes in. Communication. Communicating with you. Giving an account of ourselves, for who we are (and in some cases, to woo you to be our girl.). For the most part, women are more receptive to words. It is direct, very hard to deny, and we don't deny that most romantic relationships start out on just talking.

What else can we do if we can't talk ? If we can't talk, we mostly be at our best and carry ourselves the best way we could. If we can't do that, we look for alternatives, any alternatives to make you notice us. If you don't notice us doing that................ well, we did try.....

For some or most situations, we could not find a common topic to just casually talk to you about, just to know you better. To just build on a simple casual healthy friendly relationship, where words can easily be exchanged with a measure of mutual happiness. It is a mental challenge for some (most) men who want to "build a bridge".

But ultimately, whether we like it or not, we have to sweat it out, die to ourselves, pour in our heart and soul, just to build that bridge. To seize the chance. We admit sometimes we give up hopelessly, never knowing what it'll be like to know you through and through, admiring for who you really are.

This is just one of the stumbling blocks that we face, that often work against us. However that is the least of our worries, as there are much more darker powers at hand.......undermining what we often choose to do, and make us fall from your good books.

bottled and sealed

Men don't usually get caught up in emotional affairs. But chances are, that usually most men are willing to get emotional at times involving the following:

• Watching/Playing Competitive Sports
• Sexual (Non-Sexual) Attraction towards a Girl/Lady/Woman.
  
• Nursing a Crush on a Girl/Lady/Woman !
  
• Romantic Relationships
  
• Passions In Life (Hobbies, Voluntary Labors of Love)
• Their Personal Pride and their Place, Role in the World/Society
  
• Being Violated Of Their Personal Privacy/Pride

And the list goes on.

Most (or a modest number of) men, when dealing with their crushes, bottle up their feelings.
Most of us feel that bottling our emotions felt for our crush is fine. So as long as the bottle doesn't explode.

Most of us know, well enough, that most women are more emotional than us, sensitive to what we say and do. That they would remember the words we say to them, from time to time, when they recollect or think of someone in particular.

We prefer that we do not speak what we truly feel inside of us......about you....... for the time being. Most (Some ?) of us know not the boundaries of what should be spoken and what shouldn't. So to play safe, we keep quiet (for the most part, or just stay casual or platonic). Some men would want to protect you from needless anxiety and wild running thoughts that would make a mess out of your head. (Or we just can't make their mind up to say what they really want to.)

Unfortunately, before we know it, the "bottle" begins to crack. Or the emotions inside of us, bends the "bottle" in painful shapes. Or the "bottle" manifests itself to become something hideous. All because we bottle it all up. How could no one ever run away from horrid sights such as this ?

We know that women have the advantage of being able to speak out their feelings more openly, to their friends, trusted company, they easily let it out, reducing this certain burden. At times, we envy them for this.

What are the things that plague/haunt us to bottle it all up ? Tune in to find out more......... about our inner turmoil, deep down inside of us in the next blog entry.