Coin (Part 1)

Have you ever found yourself in those short little moments, when you wondered about the man (it could be anyone) in your life sometimes ? About who he really is deep down inside ?

It is hard to find out where a man is coming from, and i know that for women, often do let their thoughts and imagination run and try to picture a man based on their own perceptions.

Well, i might not have all the right answers to the masculine mind or the perfect guideline on personal discernment.................... but perhaps, my first part of my little philosophical guideline rant today might help you just a little.

You see, a man is very much like a coin, not totally, but somewhat similar to it. While a coin has 2 sides to it, a man has 3 sides.

And like a coin, a man would often find himself being either having one side of himself facing upwards for the world to see, while the opposite side facing downwards in complete privacy.

3 sides ! Yes. 3 sides. Now allow me to explain the 3 different sides to a man:

The first side to a coin:

The first side to a man, is the essence of the man that he originally is. The personality that he was born with, his individual psyche, his sense of his own true self.

In the deepest darkest recesses of a man's soul, lies the person that he really is. That is the "first side of a coin". It is deeply embedded in us. We do not wish to show it, preferring to hide it under lock and key. You see, as men, we tend to be modestly vulnerable about this part of ourselves. And this is where our flaws, natural behavior, ego, desires, pride and masculine instincts really reside.

Have you ever felt certain vibes from a man, who is currently or was involved in your life ? (For example) When, perhaps, you felt that he was attracted to you in one way or another ? Maybe.............. it was a vibe that spoke subtle signals to you that he is somewhat sexually interested in you as a woman ? I believe that is our "first side" at work.

Men, or i should say for most men, find that the contemporary social situation in our lives demands that we should be more than what we originally are. And that also means keeping ourselves in check (especially in sexual matters). To grow and to be moulded into what i would say, would be the..........

The second side to a coin:

The second side to a man, is the essence of a man for who he has become. His ambitions, dreams, ideals, personal drive, his intellect, his way of thought forms much of this "side of the coin".
As males come to an age (the age varies from man to man, individualistically) where instinct gives way to reason, a boy would be nudged to slowly become a man.

It is from this point where the real work begins for a man. The drive to prove one's worth, the drive to achieve, to build a sense of worth through accomplishments. This masculine crusade is really much of a battle to prove our worth and perhaps to reassure ourselves that, through such successful efforts, we can compensate for the flaws and failings that we have initially. That's the problem with us, we do not address such personal issues as we ideally should.

Frankly speaking, from this very point as i write, i did imagine myself being a woman and how i would react when i am reading this. I wouldn't be impressed at all. (I know..... I know...... i honestly believe i would sincerely be a very difficult woman if things were DIFFERENT.)

For some members of the "aggressive sex", it is difficult and even daunting because of this "sudden" change. They would cling on to certain aspects of their initial phases of their lives, the times where we could never totally let go of our nostalgia.

After all, i believe that most of us men do have a childish side that allows us to sometimes break free from belittling demands of the environment around us. In some occasionally extreme cases, a few select men grow to use their capabilities of reasoning to justify their personal choice to embrace their "First Side" and freely express it. Personally, i feel that men like that are not really worth much in both style and substance. They, more often than not, have qualities, traits even flaws from their "First Side" that has yet to be refined and grown to fit into the "Second Side".

But what about the "The Third Side of a coin" ? What is it all about ? Stay tuned to find out.

Roxanne

I believe that almost all men would find lingerie advertisements very enticing. The image of a very beautiful woman caught seen wearing even the most unpretentious, dullest piece of underwear is enough to make a man explode. I am no exception. But i am doing something about it, for myself.

Men truly are visual creatures (pigs) when it comes to women. Blame us as much as you want, but we are going to naturally be this way for a very very long time. It is a degrading issue that is very difficult to rectify. It is difficult for us to see a woman the way we ideally should when this happens.

What can you do about it ?

Now, i am not saying that you wear a two piece lingerie outfit everyday to work at a strip club, but my point is that you should dress as modestly as you can, whenever the situation, wherever you go.

Yes, you can still retain your personal style of fashion and still project yourself as an individual, and more importantly, a lady who does not need men perceiving her as a whore.

Subtle and noticing women can be, you can use your natural instincts to notice hints of immodesty in the way you dress and correct your own style. I am not entirely a fashionable man, but i roughly know at first glance, the image a woman unknowingly/knowingly projects herself in the public eye. And in this fast paced ever changing world, not even i could spare a second thought at an immodestly dressed woman, or even spare her the benefit of the doubt for that matter. If i had the luxury of time to engage in conversation to a woman like that, i would be speechless in a negative way.

Perhaps more men than women like myself, are in need to desperately straighten up and get our mind out of the gutter. The both of us really need to do something about it. But if you can beat me to it, i would pin a medal on you.

I believe that that there is a time and place for everything, and the fact that we are not perfect beings means that mistakes will happen even at the most crucial moments.

And there are very few rare moments that parallel its importance, than having to be socially associated with a lady for the first time, with a chance of possibly growing a fantastic relationship between both parties.

To all the ladies we still love dearly and bear feelings for, whom we could never share our lives with.

After a 8 month time period, i have taken time off dedicated to self reflection, widen the horizons of my mind and personal experiences, i was inspired to write again once more:

--------------------------------------------

It is inevitable. For some men. At some point in time in their lives.

For the most part, it hits us hard at where we are most vulnerable. It is a "trap" that disrupts our lives and forces us to become better or worse as men. Now, what would that "trap" be ?

Having to bear or grow genuine/lustful feelings for a lady who is already in a relationship, engagement, marriage with another man.

When we realize this, and could not deny anymore our true feelings, our mind goes haywire more often than not.

We give ourselves to the benefit of the doubt, we begin to disbelieve what we know, we start to straighten ourselves up as men, suddenly be at our very best, or scramble to put a stop to the emotional chaos and set things in order, maybe even seek closure in one way or another. Depending on our unique situations involving us and our seemingly impossible love interest , we do what we often feel would bring us closer to her. It is like a drug, and the withdrawal symptoms for us are so severe, sometimes unknowingly to us it we become critically dependent on it, we often do not break the habit. For some men, it is their undoing. For some men, they grow stronger out of it.

We really try to do the best we can, when we are put to the test. But that doesn't mean we would necessarily do the things that would truly be for the best. The thing is that we often allow selfishness to slip into our efforts, give up and allow the issue to fester within ourselves until it will implode, or ignore our true feelings and pretended that it never happened.

Why do we do this ?

It's all about you really, you're the reason. We wouldn't know how you would react, especially when you already are with another man. It is like being given Pandora's Box and opening it would mean literally, to confess our feelings to you. As much as we try to decipher and predict how you would react by observing you and ourselves, and giving thought to the already depressing episode that surrounds us, we are still fearful of the possible collateral effects and damage that we bring to the both parties. I believe that, you could imagine this whole possible outcome yourself.

However, I, as a man myself, could do so much on my part, to acquit myself the most ideal way any man could.

Because, really, seriously, it takes two hands to clap. Your hand. With mine. Together.

I need you to understand that while you're with another man, possibly for the rest of your life, i do perhaps feel more or less the same way towards you, just as the man in your life right now. We may never be together, but it would mean the world to me if you remember me for who i am and the feelings i bear for you. I very much wish, with the deepest heartfelt desire i have right now, for you to use this memory of me, to help you grow inside. To help you be a much more wiser, stronger woman who has yet to encounter many things in life, to be resilient when the going gets tough and to be delicate when tenderness is required. That is all i ask. And i will do the same, in my beloved memory.

*************************************************
Author's Note: Olivia, I may never have you by my side, but i have firmly decided that all these words i've written above, are of the very best of myself and true to my beliefs. You may never see what i have written here, i wish you did, but you have no idea how much you've done for me. You brought out the very best of myself, i wish i can do the same, but i don't know how. So God help me, while i wait, growing the virtue of patience which i should have grown a long time ago. Even if it is never meant to be, you will always have my blessings and my unselfish love, now and forever.
*************************************************