Bad Girls (Part 3)

Oh boy, sometimes (most of the times) we (men) really wish that things were really straight forward like from the good old days.

When the Gallant Knight saves the Damsel in Distress from an Evil Dragon......... When the Hero finally smiles, knowing his job is done and walks into the sunset in the final scene of a good movie. Just like Clint Eastwood (Whatever, I don't watch enough movies).

Unfortunately, things aren't simple as we wish it to be, and it sure as hell intimidates us....... it is already draining enough to be just only involved in tense, testing situations with women who have issues.

You see, the complications (that you suffer from, and we men get tired from) are as such: 

The emotional aspect of a woman (you !) is one we have to tackle. And then the emotional wounds (insecurities.....past hurts.....unfulfilled desires)  just adds up to the complications. The psychological damage done to the mental state of mind perhaps multiplies the already disturbing mess within the lady. And to top it off, the conscious choice to adapt the "Bad Girl" persona..... just means that...... it gets quite difficult for us......as the whole issue is scrambled into small little pieces..... and probably encrypted with a code that will take years to decipher. Oh my God. Three degrees of complications. It isn't a wonder why men often choose to engage with shallow (often sexual) relationships with these women, without the emotional engagement. 

(Yes, yes....... I know from my knowledge, THAT PART OF BEING A BAD GIRL. As much as we want UNRESTRICTED PASSIONATE MIND BLOWING CARNAL SEX, it's hard to find, so most of us go for the next best hassle free method to get it. Yeah, I know......... WE REALLY ARE BASTARDS sometimes.)

Sure..... sure...... sure................. whatever........ you'll say. Now, the thing is this. I don't know what is happening in your life right now and the kind of complications you are facing now. 

For all I know, you might have a possessive, abusive boyfriend whom you could never truly feel you could escape from.........................be pregnant with a child whose father has irresponsibly left you.............. be stuck in a Marriage where almost everything or everything is falling apart........... having a long string of failed relationships, being disappointed in the men you fell in love with......... being abused when you were a kid, or experienced something very traumatic at one point in time in your life............ the list goes on.

As much as there are people who care and want to help you back on your feet, they don't really know the whole mess as you do. You are sitting on the driver's seat, steering your life to wherever you may wish. Trying to find a way out of your mess.

The people who do truly care and are willing to sit on this journey of yours can give you directions............ sure.... they may not be right all the time, but even if they were right, chances are of you trying to work it out on the right advice................ is difficult. (I'm a little bit of a bad boy myself......so I guess I roughly know that feeling.....)

They may even go so far, to try to fix this problem of yours, by taking matters into their own hands and do something about it. But of course, I don't think you'll like that. You'll shred them into pieces for them trying to interfere with your life. I'm not surprised. You're a bad girl after all, right ? Heh. Sucks to be them.

I don't know how long it will take for you to resolve your issues, but I can only tell you (what I have done to get myself out of my own personal shithole)....... how to start and go at it till you've reached the end of it all. 

As much as you want a Knight in Shining Armor (or some other kind of hero/heroine, or angelic saint, or whatever) to rescue you and live happily ever after........ you would need to acknowledge the problems you have and deal with it the best way you can. Yeah, it's tough....... you may need help (if you really need it), but help and support does comes in very unexpected ways (especially not the way you wanted it....... well, nothing really is perfect.), sometimes even it goes unnoticed (even unappreciated especially) by you !

It can get lonely at times, when you try to work it out, so it doesn't hurt to be a little bit extra nice to look approachable or friendly to people (even strangers) whom you feel you have a decent chance to connect with. And....... you'll never really know, how much it would help you till you try..... it did worked out for me a whole lot. Remember, there is a different varying limit to how much good-willed people can help, so do not expect too much from them. It is important to find out exactly how much of themselves they can give to support you, because if you ask too much........ they might just walk away and never turn back. And you wouldn't want to be stuck in a bitter lonely spot all the time, it'll just make things worse.

Too bad for us (men), fixing up a woman with issues isn't as straightforward as fighting a Dragon with a Sword and Protective Armor. But we certainly and definitely can be there, and stick around to make it work out. It does get depressing (for us) when it seems nothing good is coming out of it. 

So, all the more reason for the both of us to really be honest with our issues and energetic in our zeal to restore (or if your issues really honestly gotten that bad to a certain point...... to salvage a fraction of......), the sweet happy fun loving girl that should have been. 

And if you ever do resolve your issues, we'll be proud of ourselves when you say: Chivalry isn't dead, but merely evolved to a more modern form.

Bad Girls (Part 2)

This article is a continuation of my previous entry: Bad Girls (Part 1). I've taken too much time in idleness to neglect the progress of this 3 part article, and regretfully, this is the only article i've gotten the most genuine feedback from.

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Men would usually classify "Bad Girls" as no-nonsense, tough-as-nails, difficult, emotionally disturbed, emotionally dead, impossibly troubled and defiantly dominant women........with a modest/extreme/rational degree of dislike for men, or an isolated mindset based on her jaded feelings, past emotional wounds or unpleasant experiences. Sometimes from men, sometimes due to unlucky circumstance.

Most men would steer clear away from such women, due to the excess baggage that these women have. It is understandable from my point of view, as a man, it is already quite difficult to deal with a woman's emotions, even occasionally for an experienced, empathetic man.

But it would suck all out the life, energy, passion, feelings and zest for romance when we have to deal with a woman's emotions wrecked and mangled into a mess. Instant death for the man who knows not better, who knows not what lies in store for him.

I know of a man who had, in his opinion, a very beautiful girlfriend. Unfortunately, she had been through a very tough, trying time in her life, and she failed to recover from her disordered state. I am only going to say this much about her traumatic episode................. she won't be able to trust or look at men positively after what she has been through.

Naturally, he did tried everything to make the best out of a bad situation, however.......................................... (in his opinion he told me:) she just doesn't cooperate with his efforts to help herself go back to the way she normally is.............. and she kept allowing her past events keep traumatizing her. (It can be hard for a woman to overcome painful events like that. It's understandable.)

Everything went downhill from that point onwards, and he naturally had to leave her. I don't even need to write the details here.

I believe they did the best they could and they possibly even asked help from all their friends and loved ones to remedy the situation. In his defence, he still cared for her while his options were open and when he saw he could do something while he still can.

Of course................................in that example above, the woman in question hardly qualifies as a "Bad Girl". Just a sweet adorable woman who is unfortunate and probably, because of all that has happened........... could possibly be a good opportunity for her to change into a "Bad Girl".

I guess that is (possibly one of the many ways) how Psychobitches from Hell are born. We definitely don't need any more women like that, but they just keep coming.

Partially because of men who do not measure up to be resilient against the temptations of dating, the occassional disaster, the problems of married life............. the list goes on and on. But lets be realistic.........the chances of you getting, a Superhero of a man is.............. as rare as striking the million dollar jackpot in Las Vegas.

If you're a "Bad Girl", and if you're reading this, my heart goes out to you. My last part to this 3 part article will (hopefully) address, how you can get out of your affliction. I hope......

Coin (Part 2)

Author's note: The usage of metaphors is frequent on this article. While feedback has been given to me to simplify my usage of the English Language, I am trying to keep my articles as simple as I can to the best of my ability.

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The third side to a coin:

Can you guess where does the third side of a coin resides ?

If you guessed that it's third side resides on its edge, you're right.

Some men, attempt to "balance" themselves, to be a perfect blend of who they really are, and the person that they have become. In metaphorical terms, to expose both sides of the coin.



For some men, it is an easy feat doing this. Being true to his own personality and at the same time, fulfilling the demands of what the people around him require of him as a man. I believe that there are a lot of popular contemporary fictional heroes who are like that, or at least try to maintain that supposed balance. Like James Bond, whose calculative, deviant charm can only be resisted by the likes of his Superior: M, who reads him like a open book. Most of the time, James balances himself without much difficulty.

Of course, there is a modestly large number of men, who attempt to be like that. It isn't easy. Often, we would fail this "balancing act", wondering why we could not do it with ease.

Personally, i have naturally attempt this "balancing act" myself.

I'll speak from my own experiences on my personal attempts, whether if you think i have achieved success or failure (or even make relevant, common sense) is entirely up to you.

I find that attempting to stay in my own "balancing act", places me on a very vulnerable state. Bear with me as i explain a little further.

One side of the coin would weigh much more than the other (My real self would come into conflict with the person i became), and i do find myself caught off balance occasionally, while trying to stay "balanced". And frankly speaking, that isn't something you want others to witness. People would think that you're being somebody that you're not and that can be quite damaging to how people would perceive you as a person.

The most difficult part of this "balancing act" is that, once you really stumble over to fall flat, it is much more challenging to get up and attempt the "balancing act" once more. It really takes a determined, thick skinned, resilient, die-hard man to pick himself up from failure to once again, give it one more try.

Ultimately, the worst undesirable consequence is this........................ because I'm trying maintaining that "balancing act", i know that some of my flaws, incapability and perhaps, my own personal dark secrets would be exposed. And to men like myself, that is unthinkable. It is too painful to let it reside even for a moment in my mind.

Because of our fear of this, we do fight an inner battle to deal with our skeletons in our closet. Because to stay "balanced on the third side of the coin" is to be the best that we can be, when we keep on our toes and be aware of ourselves. Because, if we manage to succeed once.......... after so many failures, we'll naturally carry ourselves well. And we would like our "significant other", no matter who she is, to be proud of that.

Conclusion:

To sum it all up, from my first part and second part of the article, Coin: There are many different sides to a man, we also have our way of being complicated....... to also really discern the person that we really are inside........ to figure out how are we going to deal with ourselves........ to try to reconcile the person that we really are, with the person that we have become, and grow into a different man from that point onwards.

That is the one part of our lives, when we really wish that we were alone to fix ourselves to perfection. This really is one of those moments in a man's life where he is totally vulnerable.

We do not expect you to perfectly understand what we go through, or feel the way we feel, but if you happen to truly, sincerely want to break into our self imposed lonely contemplation and provide emotional reassurance, sincere understanding and unconditional acceptance of who we are, we'll love you a whole lot more for that very thing you've chose to do for us. (Of course, be a little gentle when you do approach us...... it helps a lot to soften us up to let you "in our world".)