To all the ladies we still love dearly and bear feelings for, whom we could never share our lives with.

After a 8 month time period, i have taken time off dedicated to self reflection, widen the horizons of my mind and personal experiences, i was inspired to write again once more:

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It is inevitable. For some men. At some point in time in their lives.

For the most part, it hits us hard at where we are most vulnerable. It is a "trap" that disrupts our lives and forces us to become better or worse as men. Now, what would that "trap" be ?

Having to bear or grow genuine/lustful feelings for a lady who is already in a relationship, engagement, marriage with another man.

When we realize this, and could not deny anymore our true feelings, our mind goes haywire more often than not.

We give ourselves to the benefit of the doubt, we begin to disbelieve what we know, we start to straighten ourselves up as men, suddenly be at our very best, or scramble to put a stop to the emotional chaos and set things in order, maybe even seek closure in one way or another. Depending on our unique situations involving us and our seemingly impossible love interest , we do what we often feel would bring us closer to her. It is like a drug, and the withdrawal symptoms for us are so severe, sometimes unknowingly to us it we become critically dependent on it, we often do not break the habit. For some men, it is their undoing. For some men, they grow stronger out of it.

We really try to do the best we can, when we are put to the test. But that doesn't mean we would necessarily do the things that would truly be for the best. The thing is that we often allow selfishness to slip into our efforts, give up and allow the issue to fester within ourselves until it will implode, or ignore our true feelings and pretended that it never happened.

Why do we do this ?

It's all about you really, you're the reason. We wouldn't know how you would react, especially when you already are with another man. It is like being given Pandora's Box and opening it would mean literally, to confess our feelings to you. As much as we try to decipher and predict how you would react by observing you and ourselves, and giving thought to the already depressing episode that surrounds us, we are still fearful of the possible collateral effects and damage that we bring to the both parties. I believe that, you could imagine this whole possible outcome yourself.

However, I, as a man myself, could do so much on my part, to acquit myself the most ideal way any man could.

Because, really, seriously, it takes two hands to clap. Your hand. With mine. Together.

I need you to understand that while you're with another man, possibly for the rest of your life, i do perhaps feel more or less the same way towards you, just as the man in your life right now. We may never be together, but it would mean the world to me if you remember me for who i am and the feelings i bear for you. I very much wish, with the deepest heartfelt desire i have right now, for you to use this memory of me, to help you grow inside. To help you be a much more wiser, stronger woman who has yet to encounter many things in life, to be resilient when the going gets tough and to be delicate when tenderness is required. That is all i ask. And i will do the same, in my beloved memory.

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Author's Note: Olivia, I may never have you by my side, but i have firmly decided that all these words i've written above, are of the very best of myself and true to my beliefs. You may never see what i have written here, i wish you did, but you have no idea how much you've done for me. You brought out the very best of myself, i wish i can do the same, but i don't know how. So God help me, while i wait, growing the virtue of patience which i should have grown a long time ago. Even if it is never meant to be, you will always have my blessings and my unselfish love, now and forever.
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